Puppet War FPS (Review) iPhone/iPod/iPad

Once upon a time there was a stellar children’s show where hallucinations, bulimia, vagrancy and rumored homosexuality didn’t threaten the fabric of the community. Bilingualism was good, Pox News unabashedly broadcast trash and Monsterpiece Theater’s “Me, Claudius” wasn’t elitism run amok.

Then the forces of commercialism and political correctness invaded. Lessons became dumber, profits took priority over principle and nobody was allowed to say anything that might be taken as a slight by even the perpetually offended.

And the natives got very, very restless.

So now the puppets are trying to take over the world and, much as one might sympathize, it’s up to you the janitor to preserve what humans now think of as civilization.

That is roughly the story line behind the iPhone game Puppet War FPS (some details and identities altered as protection from the even more evil copyright lawyers). To say I was ready be filled with love and bloodlust is an understatement since I’ve got and still watch full DVD sets of Sesame Street and The Muppet Show from the old non-PC days when exploding puppets were all in good fun.

For a fleeting moment, it was the best thing in first-person shooters to come along in a while. Puppets emerge from a set that couldn’t possibly be the Children’s Television Workshop, bouncing toward you with the happy insanity of creatures gone off the edge. They’ll cheerfully bludgeon you to death, while you start with nothing more than your mop to defend yourself. The game features increasingly maniacal puppets such as the chicken thrower and time bomber, while you can collect stars for extra weapons ranging from the classic machine gun to a toilet-plunger crossbow.

The colorful visuals are great and the controls properly responsive, although the drag-to-aim firing system took a bit of getting used to. The expected health and ammo packs are scattered about, and games can be resumed at the last level completed. The challenge level starts and increases at a logical pace.

Now comes the “yes, but…”

The major problem is there’s only one small map in the television studio itself, which gets tiring quickly regardless of new enemies and weapons. It’s like the programmer got infected with the same short-attention-span disease that forced the TV suits to water down a show meant for 4-year-olds even more, helping send those furry foes into a tizzy in the first place.

The arena battle concept might not be so bad with a multiplayer option, but that’s lacking as well. There’s also no real configuration of options and even the usual online ego board is absent.

There’s probably enough novelty entertainment value for fans of the Muppets and their offspring to give this a shot, so to speak. Adding maps would make it worthy for FPS fans in general and something able to stand out from the crowd on more than looks.

By Mark Sabbatini
Puppet War FPS by Oren Ben Tov
$1.99
Platform Reviewed: iPhone/iPod (Requires iPhone OS 3.1.3 or later)
Category: First-person shooter
Languages Supported: English
Rating: 9+ (Frequent/Intense Cartoon or Fantasy Violence)
File Size: 34 MB